Iola's Idiocy

Well to day was a bit of a silly way to spend a day - although could also be construed as worthy/caring/foolish depending on your view point. Spent the day with the aerie Faery lady in York. She told me the tale of evil Social workers and their involvement in her children and grandchilds life in full from beginning to end today (I've heard it virtually all before but in various bits over the years) then I also got a great deal of other sagas from beginning to end instead of the usual piecemeal selection. It would appear that they have been stunningly hard done by in a way that beggars all belief - child kept of school when mum was depressed: child's attendance becomes so poor social services contacted, social services remove child temporarily a short while later, Gran not contacted, gran when finds out is excluded from care negotiations, child returns and is removed again once or twice. Baby 2 (result of possible unwanted sex, not certain) born by cesarean on Monday mum and baby in court on Friday (mum in wheelchair) baby taken away. Mum hemorrhages on Monday. Mum expected to visit baby daily on other side of town (2 buses away) for 6 months, then deemed unfit, baby adopted against her will. Of course this is grans version of events, wonder what the social services report of it all reads like?

Very glad I have not had to live this life - even if the good bits that slot between are very good (lots of channeling, opening up, unblocking of emotional etc blocks stories) the shattered state of my friend - and the complete lack of logic of the "the government should do..." The government are out to destroy us ... etc type of talk (I resisted the urge to ask did you vote last election?) is merely one symptom. I'd love to be able to pick up the pieces and glue them together so the life works again. But instead I can only be a pair of ears.

Prior to my trip to York I managed to purchase a pattern for the latest sewing adventure, sadly the length of cloth that has arrived today is not as much as I expected. An oversite by the vendor I'm sure lets hope he responds positively to my email, the other 3m of PVC arrive and my first complicated sewing attempt in 11 years can start... risque clothing the stuff of fantasy for many years, who'd have guessed I'd ever have the confidence to wear it? (OK so to most people a pair of trousers isn't risque but it's the material and it's a package kind of thing)

compulsory picture of nephew as promised after visit on the 11th July 

I'm confused, it's a Friday night. I have not been in touch with anyone about doing anything, and no one has tried to get in touch with me. I got home from work, did 1/2 hour of gardening, 1/2 hour gossiping with housemate and then 1 1/2 hours in the gym, home ate couldn't settle to watch TV (Not something I do much of at the moment, didn't realise it was a skill you can loose, clearly crap TV is not as addictive as people say) and then the end of the evening came. The reason I'm confused is I'm not desperately miserable about it. Is this called Maturity or is this called getting old? Is this a contentment or a sad loser resigned to having no mates?

Today I got home and much to my surprise was a cheque from my granny's estate - £500!  Well that's a nice surprise.  I'm sure I should spend some of it on something memorable and some frivolously but I suspect it will go into the bank, disappear and then sit in the back of my brain like the £500 from Grampy which I got after he died.  Granny died last May so I'd sort of forgotten about any kind of inheritance, it being 15 months ago and all.  Hope if there is an after life she's having a groovy time, if you come back again her spirit is starting to learn new stuff and if it all ends at the end that when she went she was a lot happier than she'd been for the previous couple of years.  I prefer the middle option myself.

Am ridiculously tired this evening and am having a not so constructive time.  Having discovered the joy of eBay a couple of days ago I thought I should explore what it's all about (I just bought something, didn't bother with comprehending it's quirks etc) but since I'm failing to sort stuff for Shaw Estates Clearly I'm not going to do anything else remotely constructive either!

The chap will return to a house of no outstanding laundry.  Hope he doesn't see it as too much of an intrusion, but I thought it'd be a good present for the "man who never stops doing washing".  I can't believe I've done this, although It's not exactly difficult, just one of those potential boundary things.  Must be love!  It's quite odd spending a whole week with just a text or two a day.  He's on the course so I don't really want to intrude and call as it could be interpreted as "checking up".  If I spoke to him I'd only miss him I'm sure.

 

Tonight's 3rd in the thriller season at the Grand was on a par with last weeks.  To be expected as by the same writer - Durbridge - this time called "in the small hours".  Fight scenes were pretty poor but mostly OK.  I really shouldn't have read the article in the week about the journalist who hates the theatre who went to lots of it for a week and then whinged on for 2 pages.  Foolish girl (me for reading it or her for doing it?)

Chap has yet to die of lack of inhaler - I posted it on to him yesterday but it's not arrived as yet.  He's on this course (so cool - his employers send him on courses for the job above the one he has so he can apply for promotions when they come up) residential for a week and I'm getting lots of "good salad bar, done lots of gym" texts.  I think this is good.  My boss has done my PGCert in Management reference, but we haven't negotiated all the time off/who will pay bit yet.

I've hit the bit in Fatland about obesity and diabeties - and suspect I suddenly understand the renewed weight control mission a lot better.  I'm scared.  I'm never going to put on weight again.  Type 2 diabeties too scary for words.  I am tempted to indoctrinate every child I meet to know about the clown who puts the pooh in the burgers to try and save them from themselves... However I don't think becoming a preacher will make me popular. 

 

At last I have written the application for the PGCert in Management.  Only had the form for 2 months.  Not that I didn't want to do it just suffering from round tuits again.  Why is it that things that are so important to get done are the things we take the longest to get around to?  Lets hope it's not too late and I'll be studying like a trouper yet again for 2 years.  It all should be very interesting at any rate - if only I ran the risk of having more staff to manage!  No doubt the boss will be relieved that I appear to be committing beyond the end of my current contract to my post.  I do of course hope noone votes out Labour at the next election or it'll probably be bye bye to all the funding for Sure Starts and hello unemployment for me.  Not that I think the conservatives are unlikely to fund such things, being not very free market if you ain't got the cash we don't want to know or anything.  The may be trying to look like the only party who believes in the welfare state and unions but it must be a sham - they have Michael Howard "enemy of women's rights and promoter of Clause 28" as their leader after all.

This weekend I have also traipst all over York's Goth shops and found some lovely PVC (a top in the "Snow White" style and a rather tightly fitting skirt) plus got a guess at my fittings to continue the eBay search for trousers.   Was slightly alarmed when the shop assistant said "I'm glad you decided to get that top it really suits you" as they were downstairs and we had been upstairs.  He then pointed at the CCTV camera...  We also persuaded the lady in the changing cubicle before us to buy the dress she had tried on - for the 12th time in 4 months.  Didn't get a discount though.  My friend purchased a lovely top too - she has embraced the way of showing off her (to me) rather alarming bosoms.  To your average bloke they are rather delightful and my efforts of persuasion viz a vie the top she wore to the last Wendy house have been appreciated.  Services to Humanity that's what it's all about.  

Going away bbq for B&A this weekend - they are off to cycle the world for a year, shame it was damp but it was good to see some faces that hadn't been around a while. (esp Jules and her man).  Got to the bottom of the baby agro from Wednesday - the lady in question gives all longstanding couples who haven't got married when are you getting married grief.  people who are married get when are you having kids grief and people who are single get what are you doing about a relationship grief in the whole MSc stress thing.  Clearly I got the wrong grilling!

Friday was 70-0 Rhinos to St Helens at the Rugby - good Rugby not so sure about the company after.  I may need to give up the pub in the company of some people,  it doesn't really make for the optimum fun for an Iola situation.

Chap is off on a weeks course - dropped him at the station and later discovered his inhaler in the car.  Luckily he'd given me contact details for where he is so have got their address and will post it tomorrow.  He rarely uses it so by not telling him it's missing I'll hopefully not trigger a need for it before it arrives on Tuesday.   Asthma attacks - haven't worked out if its just pollen induced or if it's any old thing asthma.  Perhaps I should find out more about it - as a dutiful girlfriend and all.  But then would that be an intrusion into his independent bloke world?  If I found out but didn't say anything would that be OK I wonder?

Today my temp came back - which is good.  Clearly I'm not so bad to work for.  We have a difference of opinion about what "accurate data entry" means - I think she will come round to my way of thinking soon.  Probably when she starts having to find the data she entered, where I haven't checked it...  I know where she's coming from, I came from the same place.  Instead of giving her grief I just amended stuff as she was stood over me as I checked it (at her request) a more friendly way of getting the message over I hope.

Tuesday night saw "the gentle hook" (Francis Durbridge) at the theatre - significantly less stoggy than last weeks "who killed Agatha Christie", and very 80s - looking forward to next weeks Danger in the Small Hours.  Shame Chap can't make it but hopefully JF will enjoy it in his place.    Disappointed that the last twist - ex-hubby finds recorder in box of tissues, hubby turns out to be in league with business partner and bumps off Stacy "darling" didn't come to fruition. 

Last night was a most strange night in the pub.  HMCs birthday and lots of people out, including her best mate who for some reason (presumably alcohol and the MSc she is currently completing as a midwife) decided to round on me for my lack of maternal urges.  Clearly I brought it on myself for daring to recognise that whilst I feel parenthood to be completely inappropriate for me as the person I am now there is always the possibility (much as I hope it doesn't occur) that I may change my mind.  I really didn't understand why or what the purpose of the conversation was, especially as she claimed not to want children herself,  but it did put a cloud at the end of the evening.  Chap intervened with a very heartfelt "please stop trying to convince my girl friend she wants children as this would make me very unhappy as we would have to split up" which didn't even do the trick.  It appears to have rattled my cage significantly.  When will we stop living in a world that tries to force people to breed whether its the best thing for them and their offspring or not?   Thankfully had a very rational conversation with the midwife at work today who is a firm believer in people who think they'd be bad parents should be allowed to continue to be good aunties.

Today was a day of deterioration.  It started fine then I remembered it was the board meeting (about 9.15) So then I went to the board meeting and was 5 mins later than planned so couldn't help colleague set up for presentation so felt guilty because she was so nervous and I could have helped calm that lot.  Then the board went chuntering on and I have to spend the afternoon writing up the minutes but I've got back to the office and the answermachine is full of messages for other people who aren't there - who spend the afternoon replying to the messages so of course they can't take the other calls for them.  The they do the thinking through stuff that's nowt to do with me when I'm trying to put calls through to them.  The classic conversation piece did not occur today "I don't know how you get any work done with the phone ringing all the time" that really would have been tiresome.
 
Then I am my own worst enemy and think no to the gym.  So I sit and read for an hour when I get in, manage to consume the rest of the licorice I bought on Saturday and wonder why I get in a foul temper... That'll be the sugar DUH!  Did about 1/2 the chores I should have done with the evening so I think the best bet is to admit defeat and retire to bed for another hour with the lovely Harry Potter 5.  I know everyone else read it a year ago but I was waiting for it to come out in paper back.  Of course I can't for the life of me remember what happened in book 4 so I am a trifle confused (having seen escape from Azkabjan at the flicks a couple of weeks ago - book 3) but we are in the teenage whinge zone so probably for the best. 
 
Talking of angst saw Spiderman 2 at the cinema last night - a pile of unmitigated trollop for the first hour as the "Making a choice between the bird I want, the life I want and being spiderman" point was somewhat labored but the flying around and improbable stunts where there in throwaway entertainment style in the 2nd 1/2 so it was throw away fun for that much.  The chap was pleased it was so akin to the comic and JF was not forthcoming with her views, although I think she enjoyed it.  It might have helped if I had remembered what had happened in the first one - really need to find a collection of "synopsis" websites so I can refresh on things I have read/seen previously.  My failing to write a diary for the last 4 years has trashed my ability to remember films.  (Sadly whilst BBC do good synopsis of Shakespeare on the English KS1,2,3,4, GCSE/A level revision pages that have saved me from booking tickets for plays I'm not likely to enjoy they haven't branched out into pop culture as yet)

Just had a lazy Sunday - lazy weekend really... A friend had a 45th Birthday barbeque and so called round for that.  She's not the quietest person around and doesn't always maintain positive relationships with everyone but for some reason I am one of her "voices of reason" and some way somehow we continue our friendship despite the levels of brutal comments I have made in the past (most recent at Easter "you do realise that your bullying of my housemate was mitigating circumstances for one of her assignments when we all worked together 3 years ago?  Do you now understand why she never comes round?").  Well it was a gentle affair - me the chap 2 neighbours and child...  The chap commented afterwards that occasionally he realises that his belief that he doesn't have that many friends since only 20 turned up to the last party he had may be a little flawed... 
GM - the aussie who's party it was - is a bit of a professional Australian but is planning on staying here - and I have to sign some papers for this.  Does this mean that I am truly in the realms of responsible citizens now?  The grey that I found this morning (damn me for failing to die my roots every 6 weeks - 2 years of being unaware of my true hair colour broken in a 2 minute careful viewing in the mirror) would suggest so.
Last night was the wendyhouse - which was significantly more rock than Goth (good thing I'd gone for no wig then - hence the brushing out of hairspray and subsequent mirror inspection gray discovery) but most entertaining.  Thoughts of making my own clothes tumbled through my brain for the 3rd time in as few weeks (in light of the recent reminder that I have a sewing machine because I did actually enjoy using it once and now perhaps again...) which brought to mind an old friend who designed a lot of gothy kind of stuff.  Could I remember her name (hey it's been 10 years) no no no.  The great god of coincidence hit as this morning bumped into W&J.  Hey what you been up to recently?  Not much working - oh and a wedding on Thursday.  On Thursday?  Unusual!  Yes old friend and New Zealand H... Really?  I knew an H from New Zealand years ago - designed really nice clothes... Yes it was the same lady!  So I find the lost name and a chunk of my brain is calmed.  Wonder if the quirks of fate mean we now meet again.  That would be very very good.
Yesterday had a traumatic time - decided to get a better level of "enhancement and support" for going out kind of times.   Hit an expensive kind of bra shop... 5 bras into the changing rooms.  significant trying on, found a couple that seemed OK.  Asked the assistant on the way out, " so if you have bits of flesh appearing above the underwear is this just back size too small or arm lard?  She claims it's probably back size or cup size too small... I look down and say "I don't think so - like I'll ever make it to a B.  "you'll be surprised try it..."  Well 2 minutes later I'm back 34A, 34B, 36A of selected bra's in hand.  I must have put those sets of 3 on 10 times each.  Gave up on the strapless one (after 20 minutes of enhancing bra's anything else looks crap) .  I couldn't be sure but I've gone for the 36A option.  I think it was less fleshful than the 34B (and hey that would involve a whole re-assessment of my self image) but I suspect that pushupness, and gel just add to what clearly is an arm lard situation.  All that not going to the gym has indeed paid it's toll.  And what was the supportive comment of the chap when told the story?   Shame!  Shame?  Why?  fumble waffle indicates that if the B option had been taken somehow this would have been better...  Thanks, some levels of honesty really aren't appreciated.  I know I'm a flat chested bint and he generally fancies more buxom wenches but salt + wound a healthy relationship do not make.

Today was a good day.  I stayed late to do all that bad old data entry stuff yesterday so managed to achieve today in preparation for my temp tomorrow - I've never had a minion...  I'm sure that for many getting to be the boss of someone is no thrill but oh think back to the joy of the first time.  Lets hope there is more to it than anticipation (Shh don't remind me I had minions for 3 months last year in my temp job.  I'd forgotten)
 
Certain levels of irrationality are being resolved in my minds eye today too.  It's the old 3 months in had a long weekend apart is the relationship really as sunshine and light as I thought week this week.  Then I have this realisation "no, I'm not going off it so it must be him..."  and then there was the "the rosey glow has to fade" moment but I've discovered a new one "of course if you're on a diet you're going to be at odds with me when I'm not".  We'll I don't even relate do I?  I don't have the same set of self images etc.  I don't have the same relationship with food/size/reward/loss at all.  Finally I can relate to a very large group of the population on a topic that is very common to many people.   Admittedly I am relating to a large number of middle aged (or 20 + anyway) Y chromosome carriers who spend 10 months of the year (and quite frankly how the do it without going insane I don't know) with partners on diets.  Well I say fair cop to equality you men have suffered women dieting for the last 40 years so why shouldn't us women folk have a go now?  
 
Putting aside the sheer unreasonableness of what I've just said (I may have to be sympathetic of the dieter, however I do not have to go through all the physical and mental anguish of being one) it is becoming easier to understand the difficulties of everyday relationships that nutrition control puts on most people.  And I say WHY WHY WHY didn't I discover this 15 years ago so I could have truly valued the experience of not having to diet before?   Even 1 year ago so I could have rewarded myself when I was busy working hard at loosing 10kg by being aware of what a wonderful person I was by saving my time of diet for a period when I was single so no one person ever even imagined they might be expected to show my diet a little consideration....

Went to a party in London this weekend - most entertaining as was at someone who is a friend of the chap's but the chap wasn't there himself - at tea in the park up north this weekend. Therefore only really the host & his lady I'd met regularly before. About 3 other people there I knew - one was a knew off being the chap's ex. We've been in the same place 2 or 3 times but have never spoken, I vaguely remember finally getting round to a conversation at the end of the evening which is a great relief to have finally done as the number of mutual friends is inevitably increasing the longer chap and I are together. Had an excellent time although slightly less alcohol should have been consumed I am my own worst enemy.

Also met nephew 2 this weekend. He is 3 weeks old and my replacement on the planet (so the email telling me he was on the way said) This is an excellent thing as I don't really want to have to do the child thing myself - clearly I may change my mind at some point but I really don't think it's the best idea. I'd post a picture but I'm too hungover to download them from the camera yet. Maybe another day... although to be fair if you look at any picture of a 3 week old Caucasian baby boy you'll know what he looks like - they don't really start looking different till their a couple of months (clearly the words of a non parent I know).

My uncle was on top stuffy form on Friday night and I had a great time. His comments on "you should be allowed to ask in a job interview do you plan on having children" took a bit of not rising to but I guess at 65+ and a lifetime of being single its not really worth having a go. Clearly the idea of a woman not taking more than the minimum time off to do so hadn't crossed his mind. And Men being househusbands... well!

A wet walk in Woldingham was had on Saturday with sis and family and parents. Not as nostalgic for dad (was brought up there) as it could have been but small children thrilled at picnic in car to stay out of rain.

Also saw brothers flat - hard to believe that he pays the same for a 2 bed flat in London as I plan to charge for a 4 bed semi in Leeds. What's even crazier is the "value" of that flat is 1/2 as much again as the 4 bed semi.