Sunday, October 17, 2004
The week that was...
Quite full!
This week I have mostly been doing stuff. I have been very excited about getting my new car - sadly the vendors dirty weekend with hubby has prevented me getting it yet - but tomorrow is the big day! I appear to have done a lot of being awake at nights - not certain if I was hungry so work up then started worrying, or if I was fretting in my sleep so woke up. Anyway the result of this was a constructive list writing yesterday morning. I now have a list of the main things I was worrying about and what (if anything) I can do about them. Very constructive, and creates a great illusion of control and "things are in hand" and also has a recognition of what I can't do anything about so worry is unconstructive.
Friday I fell out with the trouser pattern - yes I have finally started to sew the trousers and fell at the 1st hurdle - misunderstood the pattern and failed to put the zip in right. I think I can rectify it but it is going to be at least a week before I can find the time (next week is doing even more stuff week).
Thursday the Alexander lady made me realise I have no concept of what the word slowly means. Which reminds me must do more Alexander homework - you'd think it would be easy to make 20mins a day to lie on the floor giving yourself instructions!
Yesterday I discovered that we are now into the dead season for houseletting - which given I've failed to let the house is very very bad. Have 2 agents looking at it on Wednesday so hopefully the 2 other agents who gave me this info will be at odds with them.
Had a bizarre but ultimately enjoyable evening last night. Watched Leeds win (1st time in 32 years) the Superleague (rugby league - sexy sexy blokes running around a field, unlike all other sports in my view) which was just great - in a pub in town. The pub bit being my ideal venue for this kind of event. Was joined by one of our parties mates wot he plays cricket with, one of whom has recently had a very traumatic split with his lady who happens to be a good friend of the Chap. I have therefore seen her a few times recently and shes coping well with the end of her life as she knew it (I think I have told you about this) all things considered. Well SH (the dumpee) had a bit of a chat about it all despite my "how are you, ignoring the obvious?" greeting. I then had a pleasant enough evening with this crowd until it was time to depart to Wendy House. This lot were off to the HI FI club. Arrive at Wendy House - who do I meet 1st off but the lovely SE who djs (tales of adventures in Bude previously shared) and is best mates with L - the dumped lady. Arrrgh, how weird did it feel?
Wendy house was mighty fine - lots of good music and dancing. Excellent company as JF was out and joined her and various others celebrating some birthdays. When chap is present hang with others - but they were elsewhere in the venue. Saw some of them briefly and they were with others who I cannot for the life of me work out if I have been rejected by (feel I may have been, but may be being over sensitive because chap sets great store by them but hasn't seen much of them recently and has been rumbling about this a tad in a "wots going on" kind of way) . However I was dancing, and didn't get a chance to go say hi to the group, as I was wearing a wig so several people took a while to realise it was me anyway, if they did see me in the distance they would not have necessarily known me. I think I saw chaps ex (who has now moved to London) with them wearing lots of PVC (well small amounts of PVC actually) which did make me have a "well if that's what you are competing with in his minds eye then give up now" moment. I then had an "I'm confused" moment, leading to a "will await developments" moment.
I have a recollection of a conversation about her arrival at his house at new year to collect her new chap (the point at which Chap discovered she was now seeing Mr Polyamorous) dressed in shiny stuff "which she never wore round me". So maybe I have no memories to challenge (not that I'd challenge them, I'd just slip into the "I'm always going to be second best so maybe this isn't the one after all" mode over time). Given other things that have been said it seems surprising that someone who was regarded as being anti has become so pro in an almost "I'll do what it takes to get my man" kind of way. Hence the confusion. Then the realisation that I have insufficient facts so I need to await more before expending more mental effort on it. The joy of a diary - you get this shite so I don't need to think about it any more!
Today I've had exercise, I've not been able to do some things because it's been rainy so couldn't tart up the old car to sell,but done other stuff and done some homework for my course - eughy revelations about self that have been offloaded in the reflective journal so I won't repeat (cross referencing is great) and now to eat chicken and salad and watch the lovely Tom Baker (he's like my dad) for an hour before more homework is achieved. Chap returns tomorrow, sadly no tete a tete possible due to guests but I'll still be pleased to see him, either tomorrow or Tuesday
This week I have mostly been doing stuff. I have been very excited about getting my new car - sadly the vendors dirty weekend with hubby has prevented me getting it yet - but tomorrow is the big day! I appear to have done a lot of being awake at nights - not certain if I was hungry so work up then started worrying, or if I was fretting in my sleep so woke up. Anyway the result of this was a constructive list writing yesterday morning. I now have a list of the main things I was worrying about and what (if anything) I can do about them. Very constructive, and creates a great illusion of control and "things are in hand" and also has a recognition of what I can't do anything about so worry is unconstructive.
Friday I fell out with the trouser pattern - yes I have finally started to sew the trousers and fell at the 1st hurdle - misunderstood the pattern and failed to put the zip in right. I think I can rectify it but it is going to be at least a week before I can find the time (next week is doing even more stuff week).
Thursday the Alexander lady made me realise I have no concept of what the word slowly means. Which reminds me must do more Alexander homework - you'd think it would be easy to make 20mins a day to lie on the floor giving yourself instructions!
Yesterday I discovered that we are now into the dead season for houseletting - which given I've failed to let the house is very very bad. Have 2 agents looking at it on Wednesday so hopefully the 2 other agents who gave me this info will be at odds with them.
Had a bizarre but ultimately enjoyable evening last night. Watched Leeds win (1st time in 32 years) the Superleague (rugby league - sexy sexy blokes running around a field, unlike all other sports in my view) which was just great - in a pub in town. The pub bit being my ideal venue for this kind of event. Was joined by one of our parties mates wot he plays cricket with, one of whom has recently had a very traumatic split with his lady who happens to be a good friend of the Chap. I have therefore seen her a few times recently and shes coping well with the end of her life as she knew it (I think I have told you about this) all things considered. Well SH (the dumpee) had a bit of a chat about it all despite my "how are you, ignoring the obvious?" greeting. I then had a pleasant enough evening with this crowd until it was time to depart to Wendy House. This lot were off to the HI FI club. Arrive at Wendy House - who do I meet 1st off but the lovely SE who djs (tales of adventures in Bude previously shared) and is best mates with L - the dumped lady. Arrrgh, how weird did it feel?
Wendy house was mighty fine - lots of good music and dancing. Excellent company as JF was out and joined her and various others celebrating some birthdays. When chap is present hang with others - but they were elsewhere in the venue. Saw some of them briefly and they were with others who I cannot for the life of me work out if I have been rejected by (feel I may have been, but may be being over sensitive because chap sets great store by them but hasn't seen much of them recently and has been rumbling about this a tad in a "wots going on" kind of way) . However I was dancing, and didn't get a chance to go say hi to the group, as I was wearing a wig so several people took a while to realise it was me anyway, if they did see me in the distance they would not have necessarily known me. I think I saw chaps ex (who has now moved to London) with them wearing lots of PVC (well small amounts of PVC actually) which did make me have a "well if that's what you are competing with in his minds eye then give up now" moment. I then had an "I'm confused" moment, leading to a "will await developments" moment.
I have a recollection of a conversation about her arrival at his house at new year to collect her new chap (the point at which Chap discovered she was now seeing Mr Polyamorous) dressed in shiny stuff "which she never wore round me". So maybe I have no memories to challenge (not that I'd challenge them, I'd just slip into the "I'm always going to be second best so maybe this isn't the one after all" mode over time). Given other things that have been said it seems surprising that someone who was regarded as being anti has become so pro in an almost "I'll do what it takes to get my man" kind of way. Hence the confusion. Then the realisation that I have insufficient facts so I need to await more before expending more mental effort on it. The joy of a diary - you get this shite so I don't need to think about it any more!
Today I've had exercise, I've not been able to do some things because it's been rainy so couldn't tart up the old car to sell,but done other stuff and done some homework for my course - eughy revelations about self that have been offloaded in the reflective journal so I won't repeat (cross referencing is great) and now to eat chicken and salad and watch the lovely Tom Baker (he's like my dad) for an hour before more homework is achieved. Chap returns tomorrow, sadly no tete a tete possible due to guests but I'll still be pleased to see him, either tomorrow or Tuesday
// posted by Bitvacuous @ 7:03 pm 
