Thursday, January 20, 2005
return to the blog
Hello
It's been a while but I'm back, libertatined from coursework and exams and stuff - time to be Iola again for a little while at least.
I discovered something of major importance to me yesterday - we were doing breastfeeding training at work. Now the member of staff delivering the training was quite concerned because we have an ongoing joke about my breast phobia but it turns out that breasts with babies attached to them do not trigger the "euch" response that naked breasts presented in a sexualised context trigger in me. Various bits of discussion were had during the course of the training and I had a realisation. Clearly in my subconcious mind breasts are for feeding babies, so breasts do not have a sexual connotation for me, so it seems slightly weird in my subconcious brain to sexualise them thus my concious brain has a euch response! Bingo, now I understand where it all comes from (my mother, bless her, is very traditional so that's probably where it all stems from, my father may be too, but he's never talked to me about such things that I am aware of). Now this may not mean much to most people but I've had a little spate recently of being party to conversations about "boobies" that have made me feel "is there something very wrong with me, I just don't like them, they are nasty pendulous mounds of flesh that I cannot see as attractive? Clearly all these other (hetero) women find them appealing," It also bothered me that I seemed to cring so at female nudity in films, I think of myself as being probably more prudish than most of my friends but not too straight laced, and certainly I don't have issues with otherpeoples lifestyle choices. Now I know it's a context thing, it doesn't change much externally but it changes my interpretation. It made sense that the lesbians of my aquaintance would find them appealing in the same way that hetero males like them, but the only other person who finds them such a turn off that I have heard of is a gay male. I can now revert back to seeing myself a comfortable with my own self, with a better understanding of why I react like I do. Now I know my euch at breasts in a sexual context is seperate from my body image issues perhaps I can chill out a bit more again.
Hopefully I'm done with self analysis for a while - there was a lot went into the CertMan blog and I think its time for a rest for a while.
It's been a while but I'm back, libertatined from coursework and exams and stuff - time to be Iola again for a little while at least.
I discovered something of major importance to me yesterday - we were doing breastfeeding training at work. Now the member of staff delivering the training was quite concerned because we have an ongoing joke about my breast phobia but it turns out that breasts with babies attached to them do not trigger the "euch" response that naked breasts presented in a sexualised context trigger in me. Various bits of discussion were had during the course of the training and I had a realisation. Clearly in my subconcious mind breasts are for feeding babies, so breasts do not have a sexual connotation for me, so it seems slightly weird in my subconcious brain to sexualise them thus my concious brain has a euch response! Bingo, now I understand where it all comes from (my mother, bless her, is very traditional so that's probably where it all stems from, my father may be too, but he's never talked to me about such things that I am aware of). Now this may not mean much to most people but I've had a little spate recently of being party to conversations about "boobies" that have made me feel "is there something very wrong with me, I just don't like them, they are nasty pendulous mounds of flesh that I cannot see as attractive? Clearly all these other (hetero) women find them appealing," It also bothered me that I seemed to cring so at female nudity in films, I think of myself as being probably more prudish than most of my friends but not too straight laced, and certainly I don't have issues with otherpeoples lifestyle choices. Now I know it's a context thing, it doesn't change much externally but it changes my interpretation. It made sense that the lesbians of my aquaintance would find them appealing in the same way that hetero males like them, but the only other person who finds them such a turn off that I have heard of is a gay male. I can now revert back to seeing myself a comfortable with my own self, with a better understanding of why I react like I do. Now I know my euch at breasts in a sexual context is seperate from my body image issues perhaps I can chill out a bit more again.
Hopefully I'm done with self analysis for a while - there was a lot went into the CertMan blog and I think its time for a rest for a while.
// posted by Bitvacuous @ 5:50 pm 
