Iola's Idiocy

Well because it's what this is for!
This weekend I went to a family wedding. Depending on your view point family weddings can be
GRRRREAT
Dire
Diabolical
Tollerable
Delightful
OK
etc
I have traumas about family weddings. Over the last year I have come to realise it's family ones more than friends ones, having now got to a stage where the only people I know socially getting married are doing it because it'll enhance both parties lives. In my younger years I did go to weddings where it was something only one party wanted really, or where family pressure on the couple had paid off and one or two were made awful for me by the behaviour of guests (who I'd ended up being peacemaker with). Well this period is over in my social life however family weddings appear to have a different set of issues.

I don't really know my family very well - they are, to me, mostly freaks and weirdos, they are significantly wealthier than me, have different values (political, financial and spiritual) and our lives just don't really overlap. They are generally more confident, they tend to be "I'm right, you will learn" in their communication style and they are mostly people of faith. I have realised this weekend I suffer from various reactions to all this including, to be honest, jealousy. I am profoundly jealouse of people of faith - their lives just seem so much simpler. Things go bad - you have an outside force to blame. Things are tough? you can seek support externally, you can ponder stuff for hours in your prayer exchanges you have a fabulous crutch. And best of all you "know" it's working for you, not just hope but know. I don't have this and well I'm jealous, I wish I could be that sure of something.

So not knowing my family well, knowing how important it is to them that you do your bit, trying to comply out of respect for them means that I feel the pressure of attendance on receipt of invites. I go, I generally don't know the couple well enough and the company at the whole thing is strange. I don't slot in anywhere - my family only invite married couples to weddings and so I'm always invited as a single person (I notice my brother gets a couple invite, although I tended not to when I was co-habiting). I get parked on a table with strangers for the meal and that's OK, but the rest of the time is perplexing.

Anyway this one is the same as usual, I dread it but do my duty, my sister had a very good go at me about my prewedding nerves this time. I try to explain, but by coming up with a load of tosh that could be explainations (you can't really say you hate family weddings to family can you?) anyway she tells me "you set too much store by your attendance" (yes it's true I do worry that I'm going to do something that will be very embarrassing and spoil things) but of course if only I'd known! I don't actually need to know and she now has given me the go ahead not to go! it doesn't really matter does it? I can just not go to weddings, afterall my individual attendance is irrelevant - it's only the couple getting married that counts. Lets face it do you every speak to them or their parents? no of course not, they are always too busy talking to the people they know well and who are involved. So Yeh go me, I never have to attend a family wedding again! The irritation of my mother is the only thing making me go in the first place but since my sister got married she must know. Despite the gloom about a wasted weekend then, there is a silver lining. No more weddings for me where the couple are not good friends.