Iola's Idiocy

Oh argh - I think I may have my first ever date next week. This is as in going out with a person in a getting to know you kind of way where the subtext is understood, rather than my previous experience of going out with a mate a few times oblivous to the fact that they may be thinking of you "in that way". That's a surprise! I have a strong suspicion it's a "we are not suited but it's probably best to prove it, rather than run away from it" kind of situation but then I think I'm still rather firmly in the not ready to engage in another relationship zone at the moment. Yes I know it's been months but every time I consider getting involved (in a vague way, not with a particular person) I just remember the hideous loneliness of last summer. Also I'm doing a good job of identifying all the reasons not to, by dint of working on the circumstantial evidence. However recent life events have reminded me that you should actually try to live actively not passively.

Recent life events being the unexpected loss of an uncle. When you don't see someone so often you can pretend that you are taking it in your stride - until you are with the rest of your family and discover just what a huge gapping hole there is in it all of a sudden. It's a serious wakeup call to me and my track record of failing to maintain links with people I actively like. I was astonished at how well my cousins and their mum held up in the glare of the service and at the wake, Very dignified in their loss. I know that they were suffering more than words can say but they were fab. Also it's not so often there's a funeral with standing room only in the church and graveyard - on the snowiest day of the year in February.... He was reet special.

Labels: date death